Hello, good evening. It’s Wednesday, January 7th. I’m lying in bed, having another moment just like yesterday, thinking, do I want to record? And telling myself, well, you don’t have to. It’s 9 p.m. I don’t have to do this for the sake of forcing myself. But I do have some things bouncing around my head that are passing through the channel today. I don’t feel like it’s something I can express easily and then get to bed.
Today was another day here in my little space in Bungleam. This space is really nice, actually, and I really splurged on rent and quality of living. It’s possible to get really cheap places out here, and that’s how I previously lived, paying 300, 400, 500 bucks a month max. But those places are usually constructed differently and always have mold issues, especially in rainy season, which is right now. Things tend to not work and fall apart. We’re living in a poor country, so if you get the cheap places, you get what you pay for.
I’ve always been the type of person who pinches pennies, cuts corners, and sacrifices things, telling myself I’ll just put up with the bullshit for a discount. That’s exactly what I’m trying to change now, not forcing myself through discomfort for the sake of saving money. That’s a poverty mindset and it doesn’t serve me well. I splurged on this place, and as I’ve mentioned, I’m leaving it because if I’m going to splurge, it needs to actually serve me.
The noise here has been insane. The last two days were construction, sawing through metal and wood, constant banging. I already know I’m leaving, so I’ve been shrugging it off. But today, literally all day, they were cutting down trees. I have this incredible view of the valley down to the river, all green, and they’re cutting down all the trees. The sound of the saw, the rain, the motor revving. I can feel the vibration and sound in my body. The revving drives me insane. It feels like it’s yanking on my nervous system, like nails on a chalkboard.
I’ve been patient, but I hit my limit today. Time to go. I’m glad I made the decision to leave because part of me thought I should just put up with it, be in flow, meditate, let it pass through me. But no. It’s true discomfort and it’s disregulating. I’m not forcing myself to put up with that anymore. I’m doing my best to get through until Saturday, when I move to the other place.
I wanted to call myself out on something today because this is part of my process. There are so many things I notice that need to be named out loud. One of them is spiraling. I get triggered and then spiral, looping over and over. Being aware that it’s happening and calling it out helps me find a way to resolve it and let it go. You can’t just say, I’m letting this go. There needs to be a practice. When I call things out, I can’t ignore them anymore. They’re real, and I have to own and process them. That’s how they get released.
One thing that caught me today was around renting a motorbike. I’m in a rural place and opted not to get one. The Airbnb host never gave me a straight answer on prices. Big bike, small bike, no clarity, no follow-through. I asked multiple times. I want to know what I’m working with so I can plan and budget. I finally got fed up and thought, I don’t even want a bike anymore.
In my head, there was this petty part of me thinking, fine, I’ll withhold my money from you. And it’s ridiculous because I’m the one who suffers. I live in a rural place. I need a bike. Bikes are cheap here. This is me calling myself out. Maybe they didn’t understand my questions. Maybe this is just how they do things. Me withholding money is silly.
Then there’s this restaurant I’ve been ordering from because they deliver and have clean food. Today they told me they couldn’t deliver because of the rain. It was barely raining. I got so upset, thinking I’m not spending my money there anymore. Again, who am I punishing? Me. There’s nowhere else to order from.
Naming this out loud makes me laugh at myself. I can see that when I feel hard done by, I retract, avoid, and want to punish people. And the person who ends up punished is me. So yes, it’s silly. They didn’t want to drive in the rain. It’s not the end of the world.
I’ll order from them again. I’ll rent a bike because I need one. This is the work I want to share. Witnessing my behaviors, reactions, spirals, and naming them. We have to own our shit. That’s the only way to change patterns. If you avoid or deflect responsibility, there’s nothing you can do. When you’re in victim mode, you stay stuck.
A big part of Get Unstuck is learning to name and own these things. Making mistakes isn’t the end of the world. It doesn’t make you bad or worthless. It just means you’re human. The choice is to admit that and move forward, or deny it and stay stuck. I know which path I want to take. I hope that’s helpful for you too. Okay. That’s it. Until tomorrow.
Threads
Choosing Comfort Over Frugality
Summary: I reflected on my long-standing habit of forcing myself into discomfort to save money. I recognized this as a poverty mindset that no longer serves me. Splurging on comfort only makes sense if it truly supports my nervous system.
Lesson / Teaching: Choosing comfort is not indulgence when it supports regulation and wellbeing. Growth sometimes means spending more to suffer less.
Tags: poverty-mindset, self-worth, nervous-system-support
Sensory Overload and Boundaries
Summary: The construction noise and tree cutting overwhelmed my nervous system. I noticed the impulse to spiritualize endurance instead of honoring my limits. I chose to leave rather than force tolerance.
Lesson / Teaching: There is a difference between growth through presence and harm through endurance. Boundaries are a form of self-respect.
Tags: sensory-overload, boundaries, nervous-system-regulation
Spiraling and the Practice of Naming
Summary: I described how spiraling thought loops get activated by triggers. Calling them out helps me interrupt the loop and process what’s underneath. Naming makes the pattern real and workable.
Lesson / Teaching: Awareness without ownership doesn’t create change. Naming patterns is the gateway to releasing them.
Tags: spiraling, self-awareness, pattern-interruption
Petty Retraction as Self-Punishment
Summary: I noticed how I withhold money or support when I feel hard done by. This shows up with bike rentals and food delivery. The punishment always lands on me.
Lesson / Teaching: Retraction can masquerade as self-protection but often reinforces deprivation. Seeing it clearly dissolves its power.
Tags: retraction-patterns, self-sabotage, trauma-responses
Owning Responsibility to Get Unstuck
Summary: I connected my healing to taking responsibility for my reactions rather than blaming others. Victimhood keeps me frozen, while ownership creates movement. This insight underpins my Get Unstuck work.
Lesson / Teaching: Responsibility is not blame, it’s agency. Growth requires the courage to say, this is mine to work with.
Tags: personal-responsibility, agency, growth-mindset
Selected Quotes
“I’m not forcing myself to put up with stuff like that anymore.”
“When I call things out, I can’t really ignore them anymore.”
“I’m the fucking one who suffers.”
“Naming this out loud makes me laugh at myself.”
“We have to own our shit, that’s the only way to change patterns.”
“Making mistakes isn’t the end of the world, it just means you’re human.”