Today is January 5th, 2026. Today is the day that I am meant to begin, and it did not go to plan, such is life.
I have been intending to document my life. It’s funny when I hear myself say that, that I’m going to document a year of my life, I hear this voice in my head saying, “girl, everyone’s documenting their life!” Isn’t that what people do on social media all day, every day? I never really thought about that… until I thought about that.
What’s funny is that I’ve always been talking about wanting to document my life, and I want to use this recording as a starting point. I feel like there’s so much I have to cover because it’s the first recording. People need to understand what’s going on, what’s the point, what’s the purpose, where does it stem from, how is it going to happen?!
That’s one of the reasons I’m developing this voice recording system. It allows me to capture my non-linear thinking. I’ve been trying to document my life, tell my story, be a content creator, have a personal brand, do what everyone else is doing. I speak in exaggerations, and I want to name that. When I say everyone or always, it’s emphasis. I feel deeply, and exaggeration is how intensity comes through my expression.
I started talking about the Making JGB project over 15 years ago. I have so much evidence of myself wanting to start this project. Videos, journals, clippings, documentation of me saying, “I’m starting!” Now it’s different because I’m starting in a different way. For over 15 years I tried to do this using systems and tools that exist, and it clearly hasn’t worked for me.
I’ve been so hard on myself. What the fuck is wrong with you? Why can’t you just write a blog post or build a website? I created so much shame around not being able to do these things. Now with my late-diagnosis of ADHD and autism, I understand my brain works differently. These neurotypical tools don’t work for me.
My brain is designed for depth and detail. When I sit down to write, I get lost in the weeds. I can spend hours writing pages about tiny details and lose the big picture. Neurotypical thinking feels top-down. Mine is detail-first. I’m lost in the weeds and struggle to zoom out.
I’m mission-driven. I’ve been on this mission my whole life. It’s not just about Making JGB or me becoming. It’s about creating something. I’m meant to create something – I know it in my bones. I’ve struggled to figure out how. I know the way not to do it is the way everyone else is doing it.
Maybe I need to create a new way to do these things? Neurodivergent minds are non-linear. My thoughts jump. I can process beginning, middle, and end, but not linearly. My thoughts are fragmented and then eventually everything I process out loud makes sense, when the pieces are sewn together.
That led me to recording myself. I allowed myself to meander and capture whatever was passing through. I noticed there were multiple threads. I was getting to something, just not in an ABC order.
With AI, everything changed. I finally have a business partner to think out loud with. I need someone to bounce ideas off. AI supports an iterative process. I share my thinking, ask “what do you think,” then discern what resonates. Discernment is central to my work. I don’t outsource my truth.
This process helps me listen inward without gaslighting myself. I was conditioned not to trust my intuition. Now I give something, receive something, and sit with it to see if it feels true or right for me.
I built a tagging and threading tool with Atlas (my AI’s name is Atlas, btw). I capture what’s passing through the channel. I’m an incredibly present, sensory being. The present moment is my reality. Capturing what passes through daily showed me where the power is.
I identify with being ‘a channel’. Things pass through me. Sometimes I say things and realize there’s truth in them. Sometimes I discern the thoughts passing through me aren’t mine. Capturing this out loud allowed me to hold and process it.
I ended up overwhelmed with recordings. I love data but I also get overwhelmed by it. So I created a system to transcribe and extract themes and threads. It sews together the non-linear thoughts so I can later turn them into content.
This is how I’m documenting my life. It looks different than I thought. I’m not a YouTuber. Visibility and being perceived take energy I don’t want to manage. I want a one-way channel.
On another note, here’s what’s happened for me today. I moved into a place in Bangli to slow down, focus on nervous system regulation, structure my time, and prepare for Vipassana. I was promised silence. I woke up to construction and loud music. I was triggered. Dishonesty and injustice are huge triggers for me.
I’m proud of myself because I caught myself as I was starting to spiral. I did breathwork. I redirected. I didn’t spiral out of control. I trusted the process. I found a new place I’ll move into at the end of the week, and in the end Im getting much more in this other place. I didn’t lose my mind over dishonesty and injustice. I moved through it.
These are the milestones I want to capture. Not that long ago, I couldn’t do this. This work is changing how I show up.
Threads
Beginning Without a Script
Summary:
I describe the tension of starting this documentation process without a clear structure or plan. I notice my fear of needing everything figured out before beginning. I realize that letting myself start without forcing an outline actually works.
Lesson / Teaching:
Starting before clarity emerges allows truth to surface organically. Non-linear beginnings can still lead to coherent meaning when trust replaces control.
Tags:
starting-without-clarity, self-trust, creative-process
Neurodivergent Thinking vs. Neurotypical Systems
Summary:
I reflect on decades of trying to create using systems that don’t work for my brain. I recognize how depth-first, detail-oriented thinking clashes with top-down expectations. This mismatch created shame and self-criticism.
Lesson / Teaching:
Struggle does not equal failure. When systems don’t fit, the work is to build new ones rather than forcing conformity.
Tags:
neurodivergence, non-linear-thinking, shame-release
Voice as a Primary Processing Tool
Summary:
I explain how recording myself allows thoughts to unfold naturally. Speaking captures threads that writing often fragments or stalls. Voice lets meaning emerge without force.
Lesson / Teaching:
Expression aligned with one’s nervous system creates flow and reduces internal resistance.
Tags:
voice-processing, self-expression, embodiment
Tagging and Threading as Sense-Making
Summary:
I describe building a system to transcribe, tag, and extract threads from recordings. This allows me to see what I was actually processing and later turn it into content. The system sews together non-linear thought.
Lesson / Teaching:
Structure applied after expression, not before, honors non-linear intelligence and reveals coherence retroactively.
Tags:
systems-design, meaning-making, creative-structure
AI as Iterative Partner, Not Authority
Summary:
I frame AI as a thinking partner rather than an answer machine. I use discernment to test resonance and truth. The back-and-forth mirrors how my mind naturally processes.
Lesson / Teaching:
Tools amplify intelligence when used relationally and with discernment rather than authority outsourcing.
Tags:
ai-collaboration, discernment, iterative-process
Nervous System Regulation in Real Time
Summary:
I recount being triggered by noise, dishonesty, and broken agreements. I notice my habitual anger loop and consciously interrupt it. I regulate, redirect, and choose a different outcome.
Lesson / Teaching:
Awareness plus regulation interrupts trauma loops and creates new behavioral pathways.
Tags:
nervous-system-regulation, trauma-healing, emotional-mastery
Capturing What’s Passing Through the Channel
Summary:
I name my identity as a channel, someone through whom insights pass. Capturing the present moment reveals truth that isn’t accessible through planning. Daily documentation becomes meaning-rich data.
Lesson / Teaching:
Presence is a form of intelligence. What passes through now often holds more truth than what is planned.
Tags:
presence, intuition, channeling
Selected Quotes
“I’ve been trying to do this for over 15 years using systems that clearly don’t work for me.”
“My brain is designed for depth and detail, and I get lost in the weeds.”
“Maybe the thing I’m here to create is a new way of doing it.”
“I don’t go to AI for the answer, I go to it for an iterative process.”
“I want to capture what’s passing through the channel, not force an outline.”