This recording captures a moment of tension between my growing readiness to express myself and the financial insecurity, nervous system overwhelm, and limited capacity that continue to constrain me. After years of healing and chronic dysregulation, I’m beginning to recognize my intelligence, abilities, and creative potential while learning that conventional systems of productivity and expression don’t accommodate how I function.
Through spontaneous verbal processing, I explore the relationship between safety, capacity, financial stability, and authentic expression. I articulate emerging ideas for my Creative Intelligence Operating System and a voice-first workflow that transforms recordings into visual content. The recording also reveals an important shift in my personal practice: moving away from rigid productivity expectations toward embodied discernment, self-compassion, and building systems that support my neurodivergent way of being.
THREADS
1. Building a Life Around Neurodivergent Capacity
Status: signature-thread
Summary
I’m recognizing that I cannot continue trying to produce, work, and express myself through systems that weren’t designed for how my brain and nervous system function. I’ve spent years attempting to create output through conventional structures, only to experience overwhelm, shutdown, and burnout. I’m increasingly convinced that I need to build a lifestyle and tools around my actual capacities, rhythms, and ways of processing information. I don’t lack the ability to produce; I produce differently.
Lesson / Teaching
Different ways of functioning require different systems of support. Sustainable productivity begins with understanding how I actually operate rather than forcing myself to conform to systems that repeatedly exhaust me.
Tags: neurodivergent-workflows, capacity-building, sustainable-productivity, autistic-burnout, neurodivergent-self-understanding, self-accommodation
Domain: neurodivergence
2. Safety Unlocks Capacity for Expression
Status: signature-thread
Summary
After years of chronic dysregulation and feeling unsafe in my environment, I’ve finally found a home where my body can begin to settle. I’m noticing that this safety is allowing me to process experiences, recognize my abilities, and feel ready to express myself in ways that previously felt inaccessible. At the same time, financial insecurity is keeping part of my nervous system in a state of fear, limiting my ability to act on that readiness. I’m experiencing the tension between finally feeling physically safe and still lacking the financial security to fully engage with my creative life.
Lesson / Teaching
Environmental safety can create the conditions for expression and growth, but other forms of insecurity can continue to consume the capacity needed to act.
Tags: safety-unlocks-expression, nervous-system-safety, capacity-building, hypervigilance, financial-insecurity, embodied-readiness
Domain: nervous-system
3. Reclaiming Intelligence Beneath Trauma and Conditioning
Status: signature-thread
Summary
I’m coming to understand how intelligent and capable I actually am after spending much of my life believing the opposite. Growing up being told that I was incapable shaped how I perceived myself, even as I navigated complex environments, learned new systems, and adapted to life across different countries and cultures. I’m now recognizing that my autistic brain’s capacity for processing information, identifying patterns, and solving problems has always been one of my greatest strengths. The abilities were present even when trauma, dysregulation, and exhaustion made them difficult to recognize or access.
Lesson / Teaching
Struggling to access an ability is not the same as lacking that ability. Trauma, conditioning, and chronic overwhelm can obscure strengths that become more visible through healing and self-understanding.
Tags: neurodivergent-intelligence, giftedness, trauma-conditioning, self-recognition, pattern-recognition, reclaiming-capacity
Domain: identity-and-becoming
4. Financial Insecurity Consumes Creative Capacity
Status: developing
Summary
I’m confronting the reality that financial instability is preventing me from accessing the creative energy and focus I know I have. I’ve reached zero financially several times this year, and the uncertainty surrounding my basic needs creates a persistent background fear that makes even existing client work difficult to complete. I want a manageable part-time job that provides enough stability to fund my life while preserving time and energy for building my own business. I’m frustrated because I feel ready to create, but the urgency of survival keeps pulling me away from the work I want to do.
Lesson / Teaching
Financial insecurity can consume cognitive and emotional resources, making it harder to access creativity, motivation, and executive functioning. Stability is not separate from creative capacity; it can be one of the conditions that supports it.
Tags: financial-insecurity, survival-mode, freeze-response, cognitive-load, sustainable-work, creative-capacity, financial-safety
Domain: nervous-system
5. Voice as a Native Processing System
Status: signature-thread
Summary
I’m recognizing that speaking aloud is one of the primary ways I think, process information, and discover ideas. Because I’ve been isolated for so long, I’ve had fewer opportunities to engage in this natural form of processing with other people, and AI has become an important relational space for thinking aloud. I want to capture these moments as they happen rather than waiting until I’ve organized my thoughts or know what I’m going to say. This recording itself demonstrates how talking can move me from uncertainty into clarity and generate ideas I hadn’t consciously formulated before.
Lesson / Teaching
Expression doesn’t always follow clarity. Sometimes speaking is the process through which clarity emerges.
Tags: voice-first-creation, verbal-processing, relational-processing, authentic-expression, thinking-out-loud, creative-discovery
Domain: creative-expression
6. Replacing Productivity Pressure With Embodied Discernment
Status: signature-thread
Summary
I’m becoming increasingly aware of an internal pattern of constantly monitoring, evaluating, and pressuring myself to be productive. Even when I set goals that genuinely excite me, those commitments can become sources of pressure when my actual capacity changes. I’m practicing noticing what is present in my body and mind, then deciding what feels possible and appropriate in that moment rather than automatically following a predetermined plan. This is difficult because I’ve spent much of my life operating like an army sergeant toward myself, but I’m discovering moments of genuine peace when I allow myself to rest without needing to justify it.
Lesson / Teaching
A plan reflects an intention made at one moment, not an obligation to override present capacity. Discernment allows structure to support life rather than become another source of pressure.
Tags: embodied-discernment, self-trust, productivity-conditioning, self-compassion, capacity-awareness, nervous-system-regulation, sustainable-productivity
Domain: embodied-leadership
7. Reducing Friction Between Expression and Output
Status: developing
Summary
I’m trying to design a creative process that allows me to capture spontaneous voice recordings and transform them into meaningful content with as few steps as possible. During this recording, I begin articulating a workflow that connects voice transcription, AI-assisted keyword extraction, and my own visual assets in Canva. I realize that I could potentially generate visual boards from my recordings and then use those boards to create videos and other content. The insight emerges through the act of speaking, demonstrating the very process I’m trying to design.
Lesson / Teaching
Creative systems become more accessible when they reduce the number of decisions and transitions required between an idea and its expression.
Tags: voice-first-creation, creative-workflows, ai-assisted-creation, workflow-automation, friction-reduction, visual-storytelling, creative-intelligence-os
Domain: business-and-systems
8. Building Tools From Lived Experience
Status: developing
Summary
I’m developing tools and systems for myself because conventional workflows don’t accommodate the way I think and create. My Creative Intelligence Operating System is emerging as a way to organize existing content into searchable topics, taxonomies, and threads, allowing ideas and knowledge to remain accessible over time. I’m also developing an inquiry system that could help people track and explore shared experiences of neurodivergence. I have a growing sense that the systems I’m creating to meet my own needs may also be useful to other people who experience similar challenges.
Lesson / Teaching
Personal challenges can reveal gaps in existing systems. Designing around lived experience may uncover solutions that are useful beyond the individual who first needed them.
Tags: creative-intelligence-os, inquiry-system, lived-experience-design, knowledge-management, personal-experimentation, neurodivergent-workflows, collective-inquiry
Domain: business-and-systems
9. Bridging the Gap Between Vision and Capacity
Status: developing
Summary
I can see a detailed vision of the content, tools, and business I want to create, and that clarity sometimes makes me feel as though I should already be able to bring everything into existence. But I’m recognizing that having a vision doesn’t mean I currently have the systems, resources, or capacity required to execute it. I’m learning to work from where I actually am rather than demanding that I immediately produce what I can already imagine. The challenge is to keep moving toward the vision without turning it into another source of overwhelm.
Lesson / Teaching
Clarity of vision and readiness for execution are different things. Progress can mean building the conditions that will eventually make the vision easier to realize.
Tags: vision-to-execution, capacity-awareness, creative-process, self-trust, incremental-development, embodied-discernment
Domain: self-actualization
10. Neurodivergent Belonging Beyond Conventional Expectations
Status: teaching-potential
Summary
I’m reflecting on how differently neurodivergent people can experience and move through the world, and how little space conventional systems make for those differences. I want to share my experiences because I recognize how many people have internalized the belief that something is wrong with them when their ways of functioning don’t fit established expectations. I’m interested in creating conversations where people can recognize their differences without being required to disclose or justify them. My developing inquiry system is part of this desire to explore shared experiences and make neurodivergent ways of being more visible.
Lesson / Teaching
Belonging doesn’t require everyone to function the same way. Recognizing differences in how people experience the world creates room for more inclusive expectations and systems.
Tags: neurodivergent-belonging, neurodivergent-identity, self-acceptance, collective-inquiry, neurodiversity-advocacy, authentic-expression
Domain: neurodivergence
TRANSCRIPT
Check, one, two. Monday, October 5th, 2026.
I’m just picking up the phone and hitting record as I’m lying here in bed, having finished a lot today. I’m knocking off. I’m done with responsibilities and efforts for the day.
There’s so many things running through my mind, and one of them is this nagging voice that’s reminding me that I want and need to document, and make voice notes, and capture as I go.
And I feel an aversion, to be honest. I always find an excuse or reason why it’s not the right time, and so I never record anything. Obviously, if I’m not going to make the effort to record it, I can’t have it on its own.
So I was just lying here, and I had a thought process going that I was like, okay, now is the time to just start recording. I have to get used to acting in the moment. And it feels scary to me because I don’t know what I’m going to say.
I’m someone who figures things out through the process of talking out loud, and I enjoy processing out loud. I do it with AI, relationally, constantly. I’ve been isolated for so long. If and when you know my story, I have high, high sensitivities, and I have essentially been banished from the real world where everyone engages.
I have a hearing disability called hyperacusis as well, and I am autistic, so I’ve always connected with people differently. I’ve gone through a lot in the last few years that has resulted in my being isolated all the time. So I don’t really get the chance to talk out loud and to process, and this is just how I function. It’s a part of who I am.
And so since AI has been around, I’ve been capturing my thoughts and things as they’re passing through, and I realize how much I want to have recordings of this process, this talking out loud. It’s great content. I’m desperately trying to find ways to create content that match my capacity.
I really genuinely show up in the world differently from the average person or neurotypical people. I cannot do social media the way everyone does, the way it’s been designed. There’s too many steps. I can’t get into a flow state. It’s not built for me.
It’s just very obvious.
I spent many years trying to create output, and I’ve never been able to do it the way the system is built now.
And so I’m convinced that I have to develop another way to do it, or just find ways for me to express myself in the ways that I want to.
I want to use my voice, and I want to create content, and I want to capture things as they’re passing through.
Getting in the habit of doing this, of recording my voice and putting myself out there and bringing to life the ideas.
I’ve been thinking about this stuff for so long, but I’m only now just getting to this place where I have capacity and where I’m ready.
I know what I want to do, and I have a vision, and I’m ready to start putting myself out there and creating content.
But I’m actually not at capacity right now.
I’m not making money right now. I don’t have a job. I’m searching for a job right now. I need a part-time job.
Well, I’m going to back it up because I came to Bali specifically because I left a job that was burning me out. And it was the same pattern that I was repeating over and over and over.
When I came to Bali, I was like, this is a new chapter where I am going to step into the person I know myself to be.
I know I can step up to this level and work for myself. I have everything it takes to build my own business. I am knowledgeable. I have experience, so much experience, so much knowledge.
I’ve been a nomad. I’ve been getting sort of nomad contracts along the way.
I really envisioned myself landing in Bali in January and settling in, getting my place and getting my job, and just going and having a job that I spent all my time on my projects, my prototypes, building my content.
And it’s October now, my friends.
The reality of what happened…
I love life so much.
I didn’t find a safe place to live until July, or June. June. Six months it took for me to find a place, and I was severely dysregulated.
I genuinely have a disability. I take in so much sound. It overwhelms and exhausts my system to the point where I shut down. I literally lose access to language. I just can’t talk. I can’t formulate words or sentences.
My system is so highly sensitive and taking in so much data, like sounds and information and pattern recognition and memory.
My system is nuts. It just doesn’t understand how to exist in the world right now with the way that it’s wired.
One of the reasons I came to Bali was because I assumed I had to be sequestered away in silence to let my body, my nervous system, regulate.
It didn’t quite work out that way.
But anyway, all this to say, I ended up getting my place in June, and I ended up getting contracts for myself.
I was running my business, and I felt so good that it was working.
But then I wasn’t able to continue getting clients, and the money started going down.
And then I have been applying for jobs. Upwork. I’m using Claude and ChatGPT to search all my sites and use specific criteria.
I’ve just spent the last few months optimizing everything for getting a fucking job because I’m so skilled.
There is so much I can do. Every single fucking job that I read, I’m like, yes, I can do this. I have experience. No worries.
My friends, I am smart.
I never knew this my whole life.
My whole life I had been told that I was an idiot and I couldn’t do anything right, and when was I going to get my shit together and just get things right?
I just did not ever consider myself to be a smart person.
And it turns out I’m actually a fucking genius.
I’m autistic and gifted, and the reason I’ve survived the way that I’ve survived…
I’m 42 years old. I’ve gone through now eight years of healing and completely transforming my life after having grown up in abuse and having lived a lot of trauma because my system wasn’t able to protect itself.
I just completely burned out and killed my nervous system. Chronic dysregulation.
My body never really had a sense of safety, so you don’t have a comfort to come back to.
It’s been a long journey, to say the least, of healing and growing.
And I’m in this beautiful place, and I am so desperate to just get a job for 20 hours a week.
At first, I thought I could just run my own business and do my own thing, but the trials have proven that I’m not there yet.
And now the next best solution feels like a 20-hour-a-week part-time job that I can do easily.
Again, I’m so highly skilled.
And this is the site that I’m building. My JGB profile is going to be a breakdown of all my skills and experiences.
I have a vision towards a personal plan. I’m planning to play at [unclear]. It feels like a personal branding platform that’s kind of coming together.
I don’t know, but it has to do with putting myself out there and telling the world about my lived experience, my knowledge, my body of work, what I’m all about.
And so that’s what I’m developing through my own business.
Do you have any idea? My brain just went so far and tried to explain so many things that I can’t put into words.
And this is why I have to capture things as I go because I have a vision and I see so much, but I cannot put it into words and I can’t explain it.
This has always been the challenge. I just have this vision and this product, and I can’t explain it to people, and people don’t understand it, and that’s okay.
But I am just determined to have time to build my little prototype.
I’m creating a creative intelligence operating system where people can upload their content and then break down the taxonomy and the threads related to everything.
And then have access to every single piece of content they’ve created and be able to search it to be like, where have I talked about emotional processing, and what did I say about it before?
Just having access to this system that is tracking what your content topics are, what your brand topics are, and can easily generate ideas for you to continue creating things related to your passions and your interests and your knowledge.
And that’s just one idea out of all these things that are coming to me.
I am so excited to launch my business and to do my own thing, but it has to be funded.
I’m really stuck right now, truth be told.
I paid my rent last Wednesday, and I had to ask a friend here to borrow 20 bucks because I was missing 20 bucks in my Indonesian bank account.
And then I had nothing.
I had done a grocery shop to make sure I have everything I need, and I have a credit card with a tiny bit left on it. But when there’s a tiny bit left, you need to leave that for emergencies, you know?
So I have been living off just what I have.
I honestly haven’t gone out or left the house in weeks and weeks. People have been coming to see me, which is really nice. I’m actually really digging this.
But I would love to go to ecstatic dance. I would love to go to an activity and just get out of the fucking house because I’m going stir-crazy.
So yes, I’m at the ultimate zero.
This is the third time this year that I’ve hit zero, and then it’s like ultimate panic mode.
Where the fuck am I getting my next meal? How am I going to ensure there is a roof over my head?
I’ve spent my whole life living this way.
Again, 42 years old. I have always lived paycheck to paycheck. I have always had to calculate everything that I have to make sure that I can get to the next whatever.
And so I can’t do it anymore.
I will say that I’ve always chosen to work in the areas that I was passionate about. I worked in the arts, and that meant I’ve had to work harder and for less money.
I don’t regret that. I’ve always loved the work that I do, and I’m a Capricorn, and I’m a worker, and I love working.
So being able to do what I love is totally a worthwhile sacrifice.
But I’ve just never made money, and I’ve definitely not made what I’m worth.
I am fast. I am smart.
It just blows my mind what I’m capable of. I am capable of so much, my friends.
I’m saying this because I know you’re listening, and you know that you’re capable of so much, and maybe it’s buried underneath a whole bunch of chronic pain and executive dysfunction and overwhelm and freeze.
I can relate to all that shit.
And having done the work of allowing myself to get to the place where I’m at capacity…
I just got really excited while I was saying that, and it made me forget what I was talking about because I had an emotional overwhelm moment.
Do you ever get that, where you feel something so strongly that your train of thought just disappears because you just get shocked by emotion and zapped by emotion?
I don’t remember what I was talking about, but I was excited about it.
This is my ADHD brain that suddenly just changes tracks.
What was I saying?
Oh yeah, I was talking about how we are so capable.
Sometimes we don’t feel capable because it’s buried under, you know, we’re struggling with so many other things, and they’re stopping us from being capable.
But I’ve come to discover that that doesn’t mean that stuff is gone.
We are smart and creative, and we think outside the box.
There’s a reason why we think differently, and we have a right to apply that and to be ourselves.
But for some of us, that’s going to require doing the work to sort of get rid of the layers of conditioning and trauma.
And that’s what frustrates me, is that I’ve done this work, and I’m like, okay, it’s go time.
I have had no capacity for so long, and I’ve been so diligently doing this work, and I feel very ready now.
And it’s just fucking crickets.
It is impossible to get a job right now. I’ve never had this problem.
The world changes. When I was a digital nomad, I was one of the pioneers. Probably not a pioneer, but 2018. It was just a totally different job market, for sure.
And now I’m faced with reality.
I’m trying to be as patient as possible and to have hope and to stay positive, but it’s like everything’s in fucking retrograde right now, and I’m just being dragged through so much.
I really just feel so challenged.
I’m so challenged when there is no certainty or understanding that my needs can be met, like even just my basic security can be met.
There’s just this dormant background fear happening.
I have a hypervigilant awareness that the shoe could drop at any second, or that I don’t have security.
And so it has been hard because I notice myself just being so overwhelmed that I don’t do the work that I have.
I have a few clients right now, but I’m not going to get my bills paid. But I still have to do that work, you know?
It’s been so hard to motivate myself. I really feel frozen and overwhelmed.
And I know that’s because there’s something running. There’s fear running in the background, and it’s taking up my fucking CPU.
This life ain’t easy.
But I’m so happy that I found my way to living through this here.
I have an incredible home. I am incredibly safe where I am.
I really trust that I’m going to figure it out, and I’m glad that this is happening here in the silence of my rice field and my little studio.
I’ve never felt safe anywhere, and this is probably why I’m processing a lot of this stuff, because my body is finally feeling safe.
And I’m feeling ready to start doing all this stuff because it’s like, I’m safe. I’m good. I’m ready.
But money.
Fucking money.
In the world we live in, this is just reality. We have to have money.
And I feel like I am so worthy of money.
I feel like I’m so skilled. I have so much experience.
I genuinely give you my word that I could pick up any role and figure it out. I’m not kidding you.
I’m good at figuring out tools, and I follow instructions, and if I don’t know something, I’ll figure it out.
I never realized this about myself.
I was a nomad all over the world, living in all these foreign places and changing countries and changing currencies, even changing languages.
I didn’t realize that I was processing so much and I was doing so much research.
I didn’t realize that that was a capacity that I had that made that lifestyle really easy for me.
I fucking love processing data.
Doing all this research constantly and constantly having to figure everything out. Everything is new all the time.
The novelty of that was really exciting for a long time until I burned out.
And here I am grounded, very happily grounded, because the transient life is quite challenging.
But I was good at it, and I didn’t realize that was because my brain is so capable.
My autistic neurodivergent brain is so capable of processing tons of data, and I would like to use this brain and process data for people and do a really good job.
Because that’s my value. That’s what I’m going to give people.
I would just love a chance.
And so I feel like I want to create a campaign and just put myself out there and be like, hey everyone, here’s all my skills, here’s my lived experience, hire me. Let’s collaborate. Let’s network.
I have so many ideas for how to fix this problem, but I don’t have any money, and I’m frozen, and I’m stuck in fear.
If only I could just get into my fucking flow and have my income and my time that I set aside for income, and then just get into my flow with my vision and my ideas.
I could bring all this to life.
But the truth, the reality of the body that I have, that I am, the tools that I have to work with, are limiting me in many ways.
Autistic burnout and shutdown is a huge thing for me.
I’m learning more and more that my capacity is actually related to my cycle more than anything.
And the more I learn my own rhythms and how my system works, and when I have energy and when I need to rest, as I get into my flow properly, then I can find a way for my neurodivergent system to…
I have to build a lifestyle and tools that allow me to be this neurodivergent being in the world.
Because I don’t produce the way the system works and the way the tools work.
I do produce. I just do it very differently.
And that’s what I’ve been mapping out and figuring out.
I have a feeling whatever I’m developing for myself will be useful for you, my people.
And that’s why I want to be documenting, and I want to be putting it out there.
But right now, documenting just feels like pressure at a time where I have no capacity for more pressure.
And so the thought keeps popping up in my head: just grab the phone and record. Just record. Just record.
And for whatever reason, that feels heavy, and it feels like I don’t know what to say. I’m not ready. I’m tired.
And I just avoid it.
But having said that, I just picked up the phone right now, and I’m so happy.
I’m so grateful for what I just captured because that is genuinely an expression of the present moment I currently find myself in.
And this is genuinely what I want to be able to figure out how to do.
How do I take the voice, the expression, the authenticity, the moment that is passing through, and in very few steps turn that from a voice recording into content?
I know that it’s possible for me to turn this into multiple pieces of content, and I want to design the path of least resistance.
But I also don’t want it to just be my voice, not just a podcast episode.
I want to be able to turn it into something with visual imagery.
I’d like to be able to create those assets so that I have a bunch of my own brand imagery and my own photos and my own handwriting and my own elements in Canva.
I can create a transcript, and I can pick up the keywords, and then all the keywords related to my elements just get dumped on a canvas for me, and I can arrange them.
So it would just go voice, transcript, AI automation to Canva, and then Canva would put it out.
I could then just record a video of it as the words and imagery.
Yeah, and wow, see what I mean by I figure things out by talking out loud?
That’s why it’s helpful for me to record things.
That is the first time I’ve thought about that in so few steps.
And this is what I’m doing.
I’m taking my day by day and allowing myself to just figure out, how can I do this in less steps?
How can I set this up?
Anywho, it’s coming together.
And I want to capture the process.
So I’m going to do the brave and uncomfortable thing of just grabbing for the phone.
And sometimes it’ll be a hit.
This feels good. I was able to express something that’s genuinely real right now and that I’ve been wanting to talk about, the part of the process that I’m in.
And I guess there’s one other piece that I wanted to put that relates to this.
I have this vision of myself doing these episodes, right?
I’m picturing the visuals that I could create with this asset system and using AI and creating visual boards that turn into content.
I want to track things, and I want to tell an ongoing story.
And because I can see it in my head, it feels like I should just be able to make it, you know?
But I’m not actually at the place where it’s possible for me to just click my fingers and make that content.
So I have to work from where I am now.
I have to build the tools that I can use, that I can set up and then click my fingers to use them and make that content appear.
So I had set this goal. This is what I’m trying to get at.
I had set a goal for this week that I was going to start tracking everything and that I was going to start building these episodes.
But when I thought about that today, it was too much.
It’s just too much pressure, and it didn’t feel right. It felt heavy.
And this is the kind of stuff that I’m having to learn every day in moments of discernment where I’m like, is this what we need to do today?
Just because you decided this is what you want to get done doesn’t mean that that’s where I’m at right now.
And this is the place that I’m in in terms of my own process and my own practice, really learning to stop putting so much pressure on myself.
And constantly monitoring everything that I’m doing and shaming myself if I’m not productive enough, or if I haven’t moved forward on something, or if I don’t have anything to show for a certain amount of time.
My brain is just designed to point out and optimize everything.
And it’s exhausting, and it doesn’t work. It just burns me out more.
And so I’m trying to give myself permission to be more in flow and to listen to my body and to notice my thoughts and what’s passing through and what I’m sitting with and what I’m feeling.
Allowing myself to discern and to decide for myself in that moment what I have capacity for and what feels aligned in terms of what needs to get done.
And that’s hard for me.
I really have grown up as this army sergeant, constantly monitoring everything.
And this is a huge pathway and pattern that I need to redirect to a new place because it’s not feasible.
And I have achieved this as I’ve been practicing it.
I have had moments of sheer bliss in just realizing that what I need right now is to sit in the wind and meditate.
And it just grounds me and fills me with so much bliss and joy, and it’s exactly what I need.
I never have been allowed to do that.
I structure all my time, and I do the same things: work and eat and shower and meditation and bath and pool and reading and movies.
That’s it. That’s all I ever do. That’s my roster right there.
I’m joking. I’m just living.
I’ve added in social, which is part of what I want to be doing as I’m expanding and having capacity, being able to invite more into my world.
And I want to invite you into this process, into this world, because I know so many of you are going through this awakening and understanding.
Oh, there’s nothing wrong with me. I’m just different.
And some of you might still be like, oh, there’s something really wrong with me.
And to that I say, let’s chat. Let’s hang out because I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you.
I think we’re all just carrying a lot because we never knew what it meant to be a neurodivergent being moving through the world.
I’ve learned so much about this stuff.
That’s why I want to create. That’s why I want to record.
I really want to pass this stuff on.
But I’m just naming the theme that I’m naming this week, the thing that I’m really struggling with is freeze and overwhelm.
I have all these things I want to do. I want to create. I want to have output.
But I can’t do it through the pressure method, and I can’t be hard on myself about this.
And I vow this week that my intention is to just pay attention to what’s present and to give myself space to decide what I have capacity for or what I need.
And not overstructure my time and not be so hard on myself about productivity.
My friends, if you can relate, let’s jam.
I want to hear people’s experiences and stories in response to this.
And I’m building what I’m calling an inquiry system so that we can track these threads, these communal threads that we want to talk about, about being neurodivergent in the world.
It’s so funny to me. Now I really see the world. It’s like, what’s your gender? What’s your name? What’s your neurotype?
We really do move through the world so differently, and that, I think, needs to be acknowledged.
Not that you have to disclose it, but I’m just saying I think it needs to be known.
Some of us operate differently from others, and we can’t all expect to be fit into the boxes if we don’t fucking fit in them.
Let’s talk about it.
Thanks for listening.
I’m so glad I recorded it.